Early Bird Special

Here's a taste of our daily schedule in good ole 'Sconsin:

5:15 AM: Get up, Jon showers, I feed Houston and myself and diddle around 'til he's ready.
I did. I went and wrote diddle.
5:50 AM: Drive Jon to work.
6:00 AM: Get back into bed. Sleep diagonally and on 6 pillows. Because I can.
7:45 AM: Get up again. Dress, etc. and head out for work on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Get ready for chiropractor appointments and errands on Wednesdays and Fridays.
9:00 - 5:30 PM: Work and stuff.

5:45 PM:

Jon: I'm hungry. What's for dinner?
Moi: Takeout.
Jon: Hilarious, pauper.
Moi: Fine. I will cook for you, but I can promise you it won't be as tasty as Izumi's sushi!
Jon: Nice try. I'll do the dishes.
Moi: God. Fine.
Jon: (Sigh.) I can't wait 'til Friday.
Moi: Why? Because we eat out on the weekends?
Jon: No.


In an effort to keep our bodies in line with this very rigorous schedule, we eat out at 6:00 PM on the weekends. On the plus side we hit the happy hour dinner special nine times out of ten. On the down side, by 7:30, our stomachs are full, we've exhausted whatever peoplewatching is available and we're usually getting pushed out by the teenage waitress.

If we're really on a bender and decide to try a new place for a beer, we might make it to 9:30 PM.

At which point Jon starts yawning and I remind myself we are cool on the inside.
And more importantly, that sleep keeps wrinkles at bay.
Botox shmotox. I'm practically de-aging at this point.


  1. Hahaha...hilarious. I think you should re-title this as "Early Birds Get the Worms," because all of your early rising and budgetary diligence will pay off some day. I know it! You're the funniest person I know, btw.